Fear of Adequacy?

I think the phrase I hated the most growing up was "there is something special about you".  Sounds weird right?  Honestly I spent most of my childhood hearing prophetic like phrases telling me of the wonders I would do on the Earth and how God wanted to "use" me.  Truth is I DIDN'T WANT ANY PARTS OF THAT!!!

I met God young.  My parents made sure I knew about Jesus and my faith was pretty strong.  My rebellion was strong too.  I liked God, I thought I loved Him but what I didnt want was for Him to use me.  I just wanted to be regular.  Get away with the things that others did and use the gifts I was given to get what I wanted then at some point at an old age....die happy and go to heaven.  Nothing spectacular or magnificent, just enough to still be special in the eyes of those that loved me and to be some what popular.  That was my plan.    

But not His.

I knew that if I tried even a little bit, that God was gonna take that make me WORK.  So I didn't do much.  I purposely got in trouble so I wouldn't be counted "worthy" enough for the call that was supposedly on my life.  Not too much trouble but you know the regular kind....a little bit of weed, some sex and some cussing.  The basics.  I still liked the good girl persona because it had its benefits but I didn't want a title or position that would cause me to have that dreaded word.....RESPONSIBILITY!  I had a hard enough time dealing with my own life...I sure didn't want to help anyone else with theirs. 

I'm just being honest y'all.

So fast forward to the present.  I gave up...I cant speak for everyone but God must of really wanted me.  I mean I got in BIG trouble and caught for any and everything and I was tired of "losing".  So I let Him use me.  I really did.  I found out I liked it. I was good at it...it gave me purpose. Yet I still had some reservations.  I put limits on myself because I didnt want to be used too much you know.  The local church was fine, holding down a good job was cool but anything outside of that...hmmmmm not so sure.  That looming "there is more required of thee" was still there.  AHHHHH!  Most people would really dream to have the skill set that I have and my brain.  Not bragging but seriously....I hold back 85% of the time and still outshine most people.  Why would I hold back right?  I found out that I am actually scared of my own potential....when I get scared....I do dumb things....dumb things causes disappointment.  Disappointment causes PAIN. I am tired of hurting.

I've made a decision.  I'm just going to allow God to do whatever it is He wants.  I thought I was doing that before but the fruit says otherwise. I am going to expect the BEST outcome in every situation and I will throw all of my gifts not in one basket but every basket that I am afforded to. Why....because I have nothing else to do.  This year I will not settle for whats available or watch everyone else win where I should be winning. My money, my business, my body (Im still crushing this weight loss by the way). In reality I wont be watching anyone....you will be watching me.


Till Next Time,

Taking the Limits OFF :)

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Long Time..No Failures To Report!

OMG! Ive lost fifty pounds (51 to be exact).  Can you believe this!!!???!!! If you have followed this blog for any significant amount of time you already know this is INCREDIBLE!!!

I have tried and failed so many times but this time I'm crushing it....and the only reason is....I STUCK WITH IT! When the weight jumped up for no reason...I kept going.  When I didn't feel well and fell off my routine and got back up and kept going.

I truly made it a lifestyle.

Here I am less than 10 lbs away from being under 200lb pounds...something I havent seen since 2006.  Im proud of me!  

Im encouraged to go on and finish....29 more pounds to go!

Its crazy to believe I have made it this far....progress is the best motivator.  Who wants to go back at this point?

IF I CAN DO IT! You surely can....

Please follow me on my Instagram:
MsMorningDew

Also my facebook page:
www.facebook.com/thinthoughts 


Till Next Time,
On My Way To Onderland :)

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Interesting HourGlass

So most women obsess with their body shape.  Not me. Well not completely at least.  I can honestly say I like the shape of my body.  Its pretty hot.  Only thing is that my tummy doesn't match the rest of me.  By all conventional scales and measurements, I am a true hour glass with a distinct waistline in comparison to my hips and shoulders. 

 

By the way...I know I haven't updated this blog in 3000 days...I am still losing weight.  41 lbs. down...I promise. I just haven't been into updating like I used to be. I need to get back into it...honestly.  I'll put a picture below so you know I'm serious.  Now I'm more than 20 pounds down from December but I rarely ever take full body shots...these pictures aren't even mine...they were taken by others.

 

 

 

 



 

Back to the subject at hand.  My tummy is huge amongst this small waist.  I have NEVER seen anyone else with this problem.  It makes it really difficult to find clothes because I want accentuate my waistline but I am hindered by the garganchu gut.  Sigh....

 

Then there is my short torso...I'm cool with long legs...but the torso leaves no room for the belly to go but OUTWARD and of course its the going to be the last thing to go.  So its a battle. This also makes it really hard for those dreaded body shapers to truly flatten it out....trust me I've tried them all. Its like stuffing a turkey into small freezer bag.

 

I'm at the stage of weight loss where nothing matches...my shoulders wear a medium, my chest wears a large my hips an extra large and my belly could be a 2X honestly.  WHERE IS THE BALANCE LORD!!!???!!!!

 

 

Well...that's all I have to say. Nothing else to do but keep going.

 

 

Till Next Time....

Finding the Slim Balance :)

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Not the DAIRY!!! NOOOOO!

One of my accountability partners said to me....you are working way too hard for you not to get faster results, there is something you don't know. My first reaction was not a happy one...it kinda rained on my parade but then when I reflected on it...I realized they were right. There was something I didn't know....more than exercise.  My friends kept saying maybe your allergic to something or something is reacting with your body in a way to cause inflammation or something.  At that point I knew what it was...but I went into denial.  DAIRY.  I am not a big milk fan (I use almond milk), I have cut out ice cream (which I do love) but YOGURT might be my favorite snack...ever since childhood. I couldn't imagine giving it up...it was all I had left!!!!

I avoided the issue and kept on my merry way.  Until my church had a fast and I decided to give up dairy.  One week....eight lbs.  Immediate body reaction.  Of course this regulated out and I am not getting those results now but I am still getting better results.  WHY LORD! 

I have found ways to substitute yogurt in my smoothies.  I found a non dairy yogurt that tastes gross to me but it helps thicken the smoothies.  Apple sauce works as well.  I wont front I miss having a yogurt cup in the morning but for a season we have to part ways.  Not really sure what exactly the issue was with it and my body because Ive never reacted to it as far as nausea or intolerance.  Maybe it just makes me bloat. 

O well...

Till Next Time
Saying Goodbye to Yogurt :)

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Its Been A Looooonnnnng Time!!!

Did you miss me?  My computer was having difficulties....well it still is.  Then I simply forgot about this blog but I did NOT forget about my goals.  Its been 6 months...

Today is weigh in day...

I havent weighed in yet but from what I do know...Im 32.6 lbs down! WOOOHOOO!  Since living in Florida, I have never lost more than 23ish lbs so breaking that has been awesome!

I am now at the weight I was around when I originally moved here.  Which probably doesnt make sense because I just said Ive lost 23ish lbs before.  Well here is what happened...

I was at weight A when I moved here then lost 23ish lbs and got to weight B....then went back to weight A...graduated from graduate school and shot up to weight C and I hadnt gotten back to weight A since 2009.  Get it?  :)

I am due a pair of new fabulous shoes but I just havent found a pair that says 30 lbs PRIZE yet...so I will wait until I see what I desire.

I have also done the unthinkable....Ive joined the gym!  I usually hate the gym....Im still not a huge fan but I do need to add more variety to my regimen especially since I am avoiding plateaus.  I have a few friends that go as well which makes it a lot more comfortable for me.

Though I am not a fan of strength training...I know its necessary for toning and faster fat loss.

I have 5 weeks left till I need to get to my goal of 50 lbs down....I have 18ish lbs to go!  Maybe less since I havent weighed in yet.  Will I get there? I plan on it!

Till Next Time,
Pushing Till 50 lbs DOWN :)

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Big = Desperate?

One thing that gets on my nerves...
LIKE FOR REAL!
Is the idea that people think that all women that are overweight are desperate and/or insecure....
I understand there is correlation with weight gain and low self esteem.  I get it.  Regardless of that, just because she smiled at you and laughed at your corny joke...does not mean she wants you. 
You may not have noticed but she has eyes and a brain just like you and you may not be her type! You might just be as unattractive to her as she is to you.  Right.

Secondly, don't pity her like its the end of the world and if she loses the weight...she will remember how you treated her so don't bother.  There are lots of women who may not like their size at the moment but they most certainly like who they are and some of them are satisfied with the size they are.  Don't project your standards on other people....its rude. 

Little do you know, someone is hollering at that girl....someone you may not expect.  You might even like her...that is why you are acting the monkey...lol.  I've seen it too many times in my life. You got a love jones for a big girl and you are ashamed...whose insecure? OK. LOL! 

I'm just saying...treat everyone equally...no one likes pity.
She's not that into you...especially if its me!

Till Next Time,
Reflecting on the Reasons I Gotta Get out of #TeamFat :)

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STARVATION MODE....AHHHH!

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Starvation mode....
Have you heard of it?
Are you scared of it?
If you have ever been on a weight loss journey at all you have heard of it and the dangers to avoid it.  What it is basically is your body thinking your are stuck in the tundra somewhere because you have decreased your calorie intake for a prolonged period.  So the next time you eat something, your body holds on to it for dear life in fear that it may never eat again. LOL!

They say the magic number is 1200 calories, you should never go under that amount on a daily basis.  Here is my problem...sometimes I just don't make it to 1200.  I get to 900, 800 sometimes 500....I know its bad...but its rare too.  I am not intentionally starving....I usually eat on those days to my satisfaction but just because of being busy or not hungry that's all I had.  

Does this ever happen to you....do you struggle on days to reach the coveted 1200?
Do you just eat something to get your caloric intake up or do you just go with it?

I usually just go ahead and deal with it in hopes that I dont negatively affect my results...

Just a thought.

Till Next Time,
Staying Out of the Tundra :)

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