Tested, Tried, FAILED!

You never know who you are until you are face to face with a situation. Then you shall see if you are what you've been saying you are.  I think its healthy for us to have these situations.  How else will we know what we are made of?  Sometimes we think we are stronger or over certain things but you will never know until you confront those bones in the closet.  

Had one of those days....well a couple of days.  Instead of crying about it...I decide to move on...thank God I'm alive and look forward to 2013.  Reflecting on it...it shows you that God can shield you by any means necessary even when you are determined to do what you want to do.  If he has to harden the heart of a king for his people to be free... that's just what He will do.  If your feelings have to be hurt to protect your gift....well you might find yourself crying but not for long.  Joy comes after midnight....ALWAYS.  Buck up! Trust me it happens to ALL of us! Even the perfection that is LESLIE DALLAS... I'm shocked too! Seriously, a calling, a gift or popularity does not shield you from heartache or pain.  Everyone will have to step up to the proving plate once, twice or thousands of times.  You may fail sometimes but His grace is sufficient. Allow failures to make you stronger and more compassionate toward others and their weaknesses.  No more PRIDE when you realize you can fall just as hard and look just as dumb as those you've been giving the side eye.

We all have had a chicken-head moment or two....
[WATCH! For laughs... :)] 

My best-friend and I had a grand old time reminiscing on some the dumb stuff we have done in the past....especially for the affections of another.  I will spare you the details. I mention this to say that its OK to laugh at your failures...it helps you reflect and keeps you from depression.  

A couple of my brothers (I have a few) lectured me about letting go of old stuff and not getting stuck in the past.  One compared it to a winter coat....he said you think you are OK because you put your winter coat away for the summer but when winter comes back you pull it back out and realize you still own the issue.  I hate being lectured...but my goodness that was good! 

As you go into the New Year...drop off the winter coats.  Sometimes God will block things because there are so many more coats that fit you better [even if the old coat is really really nice...I mean really nice! ;)]. Be careful, don't think you can just go out and try anything and that angels will always rescue you from yourself...sometimes you may find yourself in some real mess. Its time to grow up and become stronger...shake off the embarrassment...talk to God about it....be honest with yourself and move on. Great thing is now you are equipped to help all the other chicken heads or fools waiting to be reformed with loving compassion and understanding! How cool!

Till the Next Time
Glad to be Going Home!  :)

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Ouch!

Never try and exercise in your Grandma's crowded house. Wounded. Slight teary eyed. Hopefully no bruises.  As much as I love coming here...no one has time to entertain me. Now Im bored, in pain and sad. Monday I said I wanted to stay forever...today I feel slightly different. Getting out of this house to find something to do...an idle mind starts to make up unnecessary foolery. :)

Till Next Time,
Enjoying My Time :)

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20 Down...Reflection

This entry wont be long...

Just sitting and reflecting on a doctor's visit in 2006 when I first began to gain this weight and couldn't figure out why I gained 50 pounds in less than a year.  Tests and test and more tests..doctor comes in says Hyperinsulemia.  WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?!?

Then the words...obese, hypertension, and diabetes II came into the conversation....
WAIT! I'm only 25 years old...and I don't want any of that!  What can I do? How can I stop this?  Why do I have this?  More talk about insulin, glucose, and hormones...and then the possibility of the birth control I was taking being the driving force behind the hormonal shift...so that was the last day I took birth control needless to say.  

I dropped one drug...to receive a LOAD of prescriptions, vitamins and other supplements to help me get through this.  Then the words I will never forget...

"The truth is Ms White, at this point without this medication and/or surgery you will not be able to lose this weight" *Blank Stare* Ok. What should I do...Im getting ready to graduate college and this is not want I wanted to hear. 

A few months of taking the medication...and vomiting every few days or in the bathroom for some another reason...I had lost NO weight and I was tired of being sick! I'd rather just be fat than this! I gave up the medicine...

Fast forward to 2008...at this point I'm living in Florida and I am at this new church and just heard a lesson called the ABC's of Healing...after that lesson all I could think was "so you mean to tell me I don't have to have this disease!?!" I know God is a healer but shoot, never thought about Him healing me...what do I have to lose.  I gave Hyperinsulemia up that night...and haven't heard from it since...

Then there was the issue with Bulimia, my undercover secret...that haunted me up till honestly 2012. I didnt see myself losing weight without my magic pills; but here I am 20.2 lbs down...no laxatives, no medication, no surgery.  Just hard work and help from God.

What happened to that diagnosis?  The fact was that I had those issues...I am a believer in the craft of medicine...God gave man that knowledge and its much appreciated.  Yet we have to deal with the truth...that the word says "by His stripes we ARE healed", its all about accepting and walking in the truth.  At anytime, doubt can come in and the facts will come back...what will you choose today? I choose the truth!

Till Next Time,
Grateful for the TRUTH

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Letters for Leslie Entry #2

Hallelujah! Glory to God! I have done it! Twenty pounds down and I am finally opened a letter, I ripped that thing off the wall like a beast and read it.  It was written by my good friend whose name is the same as mine without the E at the end.  I cried and cried.  She literally wrote me a four page letter....

So here's my YouTube entry: 

1. Apple Cinnamon Water has boosted my metabolism

2. Green smoothies are good for digestion

3. Broccoli is delicous

4. Weight Loss is NOT linear

5. Weight Training HELPS and HURTS

6. People are much nicer to me now....its sad.

7. Running is HARD

8. Rest days are ESSENTIAL

9. Jillian Micheal is MEAN and a BEAST

10. Still Cant Tell AT ALL! 

Till Next Time,

Pushing toward 30!

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Letters of Leslie Entry #1

If you have kept up you'd know that I've asked seven women to write me letters for every ten pounds I lose and for each goal reach I would review that enclosed letter here on the blog.  Well I have reached the first increment....actually I did a long time ago.  I don't have a letter to open as of yet but that doesn't stop the show, so here's the latest update in video form...and my face!

Till Next Time, 

Slimming Down :)

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Everyday Fight: Eating Disorders

You don't hear about it much these days...definitely not among African Americans but its real....it exists...it kills.  Eating disorders.  There are so many different kinds, so many different symptoms and if affects so many different people.  My battle was bulimia   I didn't even know I had it until I researched it for myself....I thought bulimics just threw up, which I never have done.  I hate vomiting so that never crossed my mind.  It started in college...very innocently.   I gained weight my freshman and sophomore years eating a great diet full of carbs and more carbs.  I ended up transferring schools and moving back close to home.  I hadn't used the bathroom (#2) in WEEKS if not months, so I decided to take some herbal laxatives that I found in my parents house. It worked, it was the first time I ever took laxatives, IT FELT SO GOOD! Rightfully so, I needed them because I was truly not functioning properly. At that time, my lifestyle was changing as well....I was commuting to school instead of being on campus, that change of walking 2-3 miles a day caused me to lose weight.  I was unaware of the change until people started noticing. I liked the attention and I liked the change too.  I began to really watch what I ate and restricted my diet a little too much.  On days where I ate too much, I would just take laxatives and I felt that would do the trick. For the time, it did. Going to the bathroom became an obsession for me...it was a RELEASE physically and emotionally.    I associated weight loss with going to the bathroom and that is still something I struggle with. Before that year was out I was about 80 pounds down and happy! No one knew I was abusing laxatives...not even me. I thought it was reasonable to do and it was working.  People started commenting that I lost too much weight and I needed to eat, but I was scared to and if I did, I had my magic pills. It was an obsession, laxatives, enemas and colon cleansers. The cramping was a sense of relief because I knew they were working.  I was taking them at least 3x a week. My mom caught me one day and brought it to my attention that what I was doing was very harmful, but I was still in denial. I said I would stop and for a time I did.   Eventually I continued.

Years later, and a bout with birth control pills....I gained the weight back that I lost plus about 30 extra.  Yep, I know that's a lot. I kicked up my habit even more...but this time it didn't work...and I couldn't even use the bathroom regularly without assistance of some sort of laxative.  3x a week went to every night. I finally came to grips with the fact that I had a problem.   I began to change my life and with God's help, I've been delivered but deliverance takes daily renewal.  I asked Holy Spirit for help to overcome but the urges come more often than not.  Some days are harder than others but I make it.  Its been a while since I've taken laxatives but it hasn't been that long since I thought about them.  I look at them in my cabinet everyday and its tempting.  I don't talk about this to anyone because either:

1. They wont believe me
2. Or they'd make a joke out of it

Its not a joke.  Its not a game.  Its a battle but through Christ all things are possible.  I have my confession.  I received my healing and I walk in it daily.  With exercise, and a diet change I will finish this weight loss journey successfully.  With prayer and faith my body will recover completely from the damage I've inflicted on it.  I believe it and I see the manifestation each day.  I also believe that there is help for all of those who are suffering from eating disorders.  First thing is to develop a self image based  on what God says and not what society feeds you. I love myself, I don't want to hurt me anymore, I think I'm beautiful and my weight doesn't define that. When you love yourself with God's kind of love, you will begin to see yourself differently.  You can do this...so can I. Deliverance, healing  and freedom is available to you! 

Till Next Time

Healing and Fighting Everyday :)

Flushing it down the drain....

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Food You Enjoy...

Most difficult part of this weight loss journey for me is being consistent with the food.  Food is LIFE...literally.  I have no problem drinking water and eating veggies or fruit but that stuff takes effort, you have to cook it, buy it, clean it, etc...yeah clearly my busy lifestyle interferes with my homemaking desires.  I enjoy cooking food...Im quite good at it.  But on the run its so much easier to run through BK and get a whopper Jr and a small onion ring....which is a whopping 550 calories!  

This battle has caused me to be serious about time management and MAKING the time to cook and plan meals.  Now that I have been doing it for over a month consistently, its not that bad. Between jobs (I have several), I cook my dinner, which takes anywhere between 30-45 min.  Healthy food has a rep for being gross...and truth be told some of that health stuff is nasty.  I like eating too much to eat grossness...I REFUSE! If I am going to do it...I have to have food I enjoy.  My meals are usually filled with veggies and FULL of flavor and usually about 400 calories per meal and FILLING!

I say if you going change your diet....ENJOY IT!

Till Next Time

Eating Light and Right :)

Broccoli w/ Garlic Sauce (220 calories)

Spinach Tomato Linguine (No Meat; 631 calories)

Teriyaki Jerk Shrimp with Spinach (204 calories)

Honey Grilled Salmon (250 calories)

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