Looking Into My Future

Life has brought me obstacles but with my faith coupled with diligence I have overcome it...watch me win!

White Plains, NY

I love my City!!! It birthed a Champion!

A Piece of Me

A life full of great memories always begins with a great family and some good friends :)

My Destination

Success is only one decision away...will you choose wisely?

My Passion!

Education is our most valuable resource as a society...we must work to preserve it and build a brighter future!

Monday, October 18, 2010

EMOTION ROLLERCOASTER!


I feel like singing Destiny's Child....
I feel like crying...
I feel like throwing up...
I feel you guys are talking about me...
I hate y'all...
Baby you the best!
You suck...
I don't have any friends...
I love you...
I could slap the taste out of your mouth....
I think you are lying....
Everyone thinks I'm crazy...
I'm ugly...
I'm fat...
I could care less if I ever see you guys again in life...
Have you ever felt like this? I used to be the kind of person that if I thought there was an issue...I would address it...no questions asked....did not care if I hurt your feelings. I had a problem and it was gonna get FIXED TODAY! I was completely blind of others feelings and was only concerned about myself. SELFISH! SELFISH! SELFISH! So I let love in pour my heart but little did I know I got something else, my emotions began to runneth over! Now I cared too much, I cared what everyone thinks and I wanted to please all of mankind. Out of balance and out of order! My emotions controlled how I felt and how I treated people. And every now and again I would have an emotional meltdown, where I was completely out of control and everyone was out to kill me!
Feeling this way caused me to fish for information I didn't want to know and when I found it...and it matched up with what I thought. Sent me in to rage/utter sadness! I began to distrust some of my closet friends and was simply uncomfortable in my own skin. This brought up insecurities and baggage, onset of depression.....Not good! Though people did do things that were WRONG (I stand by that firmly!). My response is my responsibility. I could no longer allow my emotions to control me, making me feel crazy and look crazy. The word is the source of my answers....I learned that I had to renew my mind. Which is a daily process. I was in the habit of just renewing my mind to get out of my current situation and when that was over....complacency set in. I also found this scripture that really spoke life to me....

He who is slow to anger is better than mighty, he who rules his own spirit than he who takes a city. Prov 16:32
I was not in control of myself. I was quick to become angry. I was quick to blame. I was NOT showing the love of God and something has got to give. The fact of the matter is I FELT THIS WAY. It wasn't something I made up....my spirit didn't want to feel this way so what can I do to stop this from happening again?
I read from another blog that "just because emotions are powerful does not mean that they are ALL powerful". When Jesus was about to get crucified, he was overcome with emotions. He didn't want to die on that cross, he didn't want to get beat and ridiculed. I cant even imagine! The first thing he did was pray to his father. The posture he had was "I DON'T WANT TO...but I WILL BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO" That is where it begins. I don't want forgive, I want to remember and dont want to trust you. BUT its not my place to make that decision. He forgave me, He trusts me with His gifts and He doesn't remember my sins. So I must do His will.
I cannot allow the enemy to magnify my emotions and stand in my way of increase and promotion! I wont allow the devil to make a fool of me and keep me in bondage. So bound up that I cant love the way I am designed to...the way I want to! I have to stick to this and make much effort CONSCIOUS effort.
Living this way is NOT THE WILL OF GOD FOR MY LIFE! So I am fasting for breakthrough...freedom that I already possess. Now its time to access it to never return to this place again! Writing a faith confessions has always been a good way for me to speak life into my situation and meditate on what God's word says and not what I say! Till his words become mine....
Till Next Time...
Riding Down Easy Street....

Share

Twitter Delicious Facebook Digg Stumbleupon Favorites More