Looking Into My Future

Life has brought me obstacles but with my faith coupled with diligence I have overcome it...watch me win!

White Plains, NY

I love my City!!! It birthed a Champion!

A Piece of Me

A life full of great memories always begins with a great family and some good friends :)

My Destination

Success is only one decision away...will you choose wisely?

My Passion!

Education is our most valuable resource as a society...we must work to preserve it and build a brighter future!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Fear of Adequacy?

I think the phrase I hated the most growing up was "there is something special about you".  Sounds weird right?  Honestly I spent most of my childhood hearing prophetic like phrases telling me of the wonders I would do on the Earth and how God wanted to "use" me.  Truth is I DIDN'T WANT ANY PARTS OF THAT!!!

I met God young.  My parents made sure I knew about Jesus and my faith was pretty strong.  My rebellion was strong too.  I liked God, I thought I loved Him but what I didnt want was for Him to use me.  I just wanted to be regular.  Get away with the things that others did and use the gifts I was given to get what I wanted then at some point at an old age....die happy and go to heaven.  Nothing spectacular or magnificent, just enough to still be special in the eyes of those that loved me and to be some what popular.  That was my plan.    


But not His.


I knew that if I tried even a little bit, that God was gonna take that make me WORK.  So I didn't do much.  I purposely got in trouble so I wouldn't be counted "worthy" enough for the call that was supposedly on my life.  Not too much trouble but you know the regular kind....a little bit of weed, some sex and some cussing.  The basics.  I still liked the good girl persona because it had its benefits but I didn't want a title or position that would cause me to have that dreaded word.....RESPONSIBILITY!  I had a hard enough time dealing with my own life...I sure didn't want to help anyone else with theirs. 


I'm just being honest y'all.


So fast forward to the present.  I gave up...I cant speak for everyone but God must of really wanted me.  I mean I got in BIG trouble and caught for any and everything and I was tired of "losing".  So I let Him use me.  I really did.  I found out I liked it. I was good at it...it gave me purpose. Yet I still had some reservations.  I put limits on myself because I didnt want to be used too much you know.  The local church was fine, holding down a good job was cool but anything outside of that...hmmmmm not so sure.  That looming "there is more required of thee" was still there.  AHHHHH!  Most people would really dream to have the skill set that I have and my brain.  Not bragging but seriously....I hold back 85% of the time and still outshine most people.  Why would I hold back right?  I found out that I am actually scared of my own potential....when I get scared....I do dumb things....dumb things causes disappointment.  Disappointment causes PAIN. I am tired of hurting.


I've made a decision.  I'm just going to allow God to do whatever it is He wants.  I thought I was doing that before but the fruit says otherwise. I am going to expect the BEST outcome in every situation and I will throw all of my gifts not in one basket but every basket that I am afforded to. Why....because I have nothing else to do.  This year I will not settle for whats available or watch everyone else win where I should be winning. My money, my business, my body (Im still crushing this weight loss by the way). In reality I wont be watching anyone....you will be watching me.



Till Next Time,


Taking the Limits OFF :)

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